News reporting or story telling?
This four paragraphs lead appeared on The Straits Times’ front page by Tanya Fong on a report on illegal immigrants today.
The last light in the makeshift dormitory had just been turned off, and the entire street was dead quiet.
As the convoy slowly rolled into the compound with its headlights off, dogs barked. But no one in the packed, slumbering building stirred.
Minutes later, there were shouts, loud thuds, and the sound of breaking glass as 60 Immigration and Checkpoints Authority (ICA) officers stormed the second-floor of the office building in Sungei Kadut Road, near Woodlands, in the early hours of yesterday.
Startled half-clad bodies scattered, into cupboards, under double-bunks and even up into the ceiling.
It is not until the fourth paragraph does the informative who, what, when, why, how, generally associated with a news report, appears.
themediaslut feels that this four-para lead is that it works very well for a feature story rather than a news report.
If Tanya Fong was writing a feature story on a illegal immigrant worker, it would have made a very powerful lead.
By painting a "calm before the storm" environment would have caught the readers’ attention to continue reading.
Unfortunately, this is a news report about "the biggest haul of illegal immigrants ever". The first paragraph should have been about information about the capture. This will allow the reader to know if he/she should invest the time to read further. It is even not attractive to online readers as the gist of the story is lost in the fourth paragraphs. However, the Straits Times regularly cut and paste their articles from print to online to save cost.
Online writers know that one reads different when online and on print.
Even so, the attention span of readers are getting shorter.
It is not surprising if a reader spends only a few minutes on a news that took hours to craft.
Thus a news lead should be short, sweet and fast to catch the readers’ attention.
Paint the background as a lead only for a feature, please.
themediaslut welcomes comments from Tanya Fong.
i can’t agree more. problem with a lot of ST writing is that (will i get into trouble for going into this? *looks around*) even after reading the first few paras, you still dont know one or two of the 4Ws and 1H. someone should send these writers back to school. it’s very annoying having to spend longer on an article than you’re happy to.
Dear mediaslut, different strokes for different folks.
The school of journalism does not restrict you to one type of story lead, nor do all the leads lead to the same reader reaction. If journalists had the time to bother about how readers felt the story should have been written, you won’t get to read anything.
I see you’re applying the 5W & 1H that I mentioned to you months ago :D
Actually, for news writing the traditional method of structuring an article is the ‘pyramid’ system. You lead of with short paragraphs giving a concise report, then go into greater details later in the article. This enables sub-editors to trim the length when laying a newspaper page, while prioritising the critical information.
It’s not something most magazine journalists follow these days, and with the onset of computer aided desktop design programs, has become less critical for newspapers, but it’s still followed by TV news.
lol. Yeah it was what I was taught too. from the tonnes of xeroxed textbook extracts (yuck) that was given to me. .
But the rationale of the (was it inverted) pyramid for news is obvious. Llofty writing should be put in the lifestyle where the reader is relaxed and not scanning for news.
Dear Flask,
I felt the need to respond to your post; and I quote:
“If journalists had the time to bother about how readers felt the story should have been written, you won’t get to read anything.”
Pray tell that if a journalists job is NOT to write for the benefit of readers, and by extention, to “bother” about how stories should have been written, then what do we need journalists for?
I feel sorry for Tanya Fong. She’d prob wanted to savour writing about a big scoop, but instead her news report article gets used as lecture piece about the Ws and Hs and whatnot of news resporting.
P’raps next time, she would want to use visual images along with her story just to shut the critics?
Thanks for the comments from all, but themediaslut would like to recommend that the “slapping” stop..
To Slap-to-the-mouth, in defence of Tanya, she did put up some photos for her story but it was posted on the slut’s post.
The reason for commenting on Tanya’s lead was not to comdem her writing style but was done in raising her awareness that there are readers out there who are not in favour of a narrative lead on a front page of The Strait Times.
Most of the reactions, except for Big Flask’s, seem to be expressed pent up dissapointment from readers on a topic that has not be broached.
Kudos to Big Flask for defending his fellow journalists in the Singapore Press Holdings.
But themediaslut disagrees with the Big Flask’s comments that journalists should not allocate time to bother about how readers feel the story should have written.
It is the readers that makes or break the newspaper or any other publications.
themediaslut, over the weekend, has been talking to a wide range friends, from and outside the PR media industry, and a surprisingly a majority of them doesn’t read the papers.
They know they should be reading but they are not. They claim that they do not have time to read the papers unlike themediaslut whose job is to read.
Audits may show that there are people buyig the newspapers, but does this audit show if they are reading the papers?
Back to the arguement on leads, hemediaslut came across a good one from a transcript from a radio show in Australia.
Yes, it’s for a radio show, but even when read, it an example of a good lead as it uses two oppposites to make a point to introduce the readers.
TONY EASTLEY: Singapore is a shopper’s paradise and a protestor’s nightmare.
It’s illegal for more than four people to have an outside protest unless it’s licensed, so open dissent in the island state is rare.
In 1989, post-Tiananmen Square Chinese populations around the world demonstrated publicly against Beijing’s brutal crackdown, but not in Singapore.
So this week’s execution of a convicted Australian drug smuggler isn’t likely to cause any waves at all.
Indeed, the Singaporean Government is confident the majority of its citizens agree with its tough stance on drugs.
But as Lisa Millar reports from Singapore, there is one small group of local artists who are feeling the heavy hand of Singapore’s censorship over Van Nguyen’s case.
http://www.abc.net.au/am/content/2005/s1517960.htm
i miss the boat in the commenting but it was an interesting round of views and opinions.
To mediaslut’s comments on alot of PR / media folks not reading the papers, i totally agree and to some extend, am a little ashamed of myself for skipping pages and missing some boring newsdays.
Not interested in the 4Ws and 1Hs, Sometimes, not everything you learnt in school can be put into perfect practice in real life. but in this case, on this report, I agree with the slutty comments! hhee
And hello.. i am the reader, if you don’t read with my interest in mind, what the **** i buy your publication for? sorry.. that was rude. I mean, aiya, be it journalism, marketing, whatever… customers always FIRST, remember?
What I meant earlier is that journalists do not have the time to anguish over every little bit that an individual may make of their copy. Journos write for their audiences, and do welcome feedback but they know they can’t please everyone. Other priorities include accuracy, deadline and balanced reporting, and there’s no time to go explaining one’s writing in every online forum or blog.
BTW, if you don’t like the way the story is written, nobody’s forcing you to read further. I didn’t read it because I knew it was yet another raid story, but apparently it got you guys reading and a bit more.
And mediaslut, if you like to have a comment from Tanya Fong, why not email her directly?
Ws and Hs…wot the heck is all that??
Hahha… you readers are such a troublesome lot! Some people like this, some people like that. Difficult to please leh. Anyway, what we are taught in journ class is that such leads are perfectly okay. Its supposed to be the new “in” thing, to make news more interesting and captivating. Reuters, AFP and some other wire services usually sends out alternative leads of these sort, even for hard news. Whether the respective papers uses which would be entirely up to them. Yep, so the 5Ws 1H really isn’t a strict rule right? Give the journalists some slack okay? Thanks!
themediaslut thanks journo student for the comments..
themediaslut understands that the journ student may have submitted the comments on the fly.
The journ student should follow up with examples from Reuters, AFP and others wire services to substantiate the comments.
This is to prevent the journ student from being seen as making a sweeping statment.
themediaslut also recommend that the journ student changing to the journo student… sounds a bit wierd with the o…
often, a good way to cover this kind of news is with a hard-news story paired with a feature sidebar.